While most people are aware of the dangers that domestic violence poses to women across the United States, fewer people know how serious and common domestic abuse against men is as well. Men tend to talk less about their abusers, especially when the abuser is their wife, because it can feel emasculating. Worse, research shows that the people men should be able to rely on for help in abusive situations, such as police and social workers, tend to take domestic abuse against men less seriously than the same abuse against women. But no matter who the target is, intimate partner violence is a dangerous tragedy that poses serious risks both to the victim and to his children. If you are getting divorced, here are some good reasons to let a judge know if your wife is abusing you. 

Protect Your Child

Rarely do abusive partners refrain from abusing their children as well. If your wife has hit you, slapped you, demeaned you, or publicly humiliated you, chances are that she will one day do it to your child, even if she has not yet. Furthermore, research suggests that abusers tend to escalate their behavior when their victims try to leave, which means your child could be at particular risk of being victimized when you file for divorce. Give the judge the information he or she needs to keep your child safe by being open about any abuse you or your child have suffered at the hands of your wife. 

Protect Yourself

Your child is not the only one who deserves protection. You, too, deserve to feel safe and secure. Even if you decide not to get a protective order, including details about your partner’s abuse in your divorce process can make it easier for you to get what you need out of the divorce, potentially including alimony or restitution for medical bills or things your spouse destroyed. For example, in some states, domestic abuse can be used to influence the outcome of a divorce, including the property division process. This may be necessary to help you get back on your feet following the divorce, especially if you were financially dependent on your spouse. 

Fathers of young children who are unhappily married often stay together for many years longer than they would otherwise because they are afraid of hurting their children. Fears that the child may grow up to have depression and anxiety, to suffer at school, or, worse, to get involved in drugs and alcohol or struggle with juvenile delinquency are all legitimate; research shows that children of divorced parents are at heightened risk of these behaviors. 

However, research also shows that fathers can mitigate the negative impacts of divorce by carefully managing the divorce in a way that protects the kids from its most damaging elements. This means that, when done right, you can get out of an unhappy marriage and protect your kids’ best interests. 

Parents Have a Lower Impact on Children’s Future Personalities than Previously Thought

While there is no question that parental behavior can shape a child’s attitude and general happiness level at any given moment, research also shows that children’s fundamental personalities seem to be dictated more by genetics than by environment. Adopted children are more like their biological parents than their adoptive parents, and identical twins raised separately are more alike than not.