The divorce process can be difficult, and it can be especially hard on children. When parents split up, children’s lives can be upended. Children may experience stress and other emotional issues when they are exposed to tension and conflict in the home. As parents begin to separate from each other, children are likely to be unsure about what will happen in the future, where they will live, whether they will still be able to see family members, how their school activities and friendships will be affected, and how other parts of their lives will be affected. 

As a dad going through a divorce, you may feel overwhelmed by all the issues you need to address. However, even though you may be focusing on the legal and financial aspects of your divorce, it is also important to prioritize your children's well-being and provide them with the support they need. Here are some ways you can help your children get through the divorce process:

1. Talk to Your Children

One of the most crucial things you can do as a dad is to give your children the opportunity to discuss divorce-related issues with you. You can encourage them to express their feelings and concerns and listen attentively without judgment or criticism. Let them know that it is okay to feel sad or angry about the situation. While you should not discuss inappropriate details about your divorce, you can explain why your marriage is ending, and you can make sure they will be informed about the changes that will occur in their lives.

While most people are aware of the dangers that domestic violence poses to women across the United States, fewer people know how serious and common domestic abuse against men is as well. Men tend to talk less about their abusers, especially when the abuser is their wife, because it can feel emasculating. Worse, research shows that the people men should be able to rely on for help in abusive situations, such as police and social workers, tend to take domestic abuse against men less seriously than the same abuse against women. But no matter who the target is, intimate partner violence is a dangerous tragedy that poses serious risks both to the victim and to his children. If you are getting divorced, here are some good reasons to let a judge know if your wife is abusing you. 

Protect Your Child

Rarely do abusive partners refrain from abusing their children as well. If your wife has hit you, slapped you, demeaned you, or publicly humiliated you, chances are that she will one day do it to your child, even if she has not yet. Furthermore, research suggests that abusers tend to escalate their behavior when their victims try to leave, which means your child could be at particular risk of being victimized when you file for divorce. Give the judge the information he or she needs to keep your child safe by being open about any abuse you or your child have suffered at the hands of your wife. 

Protect Yourself

Your child is not the only one who deserves protection. You, too, deserve to feel safe and secure. Even if you decide not to get a protective order, including details about your partner’s abuse in your divorce process can make it easier for you to get what you need out of the divorce, potentially including alimony or restitution for medical bills or things your spouse destroyed. For example, in some states, domestic abuse can be used to influence the outcome of a divorce, including the property division process. This may be necessary to help you get back on your feet following the divorce, especially if you were financially dependent on your spouse. 

Fathers of young children who are unhappily married often stay together for many years longer than they would otherwise because they are afraid of hurting their children. Fears that the child may grow up to have depression and anxiety, to suffer at school, or, worse, to get involved in drugs and alcohol or struggle with juvenile delinquency are all legitimate; research shows that children of divorced parents are at heightened risk of these behaviors. 

However, research also shows that fathers can mitigate the negative impacts of divorce by carefully managing the divorce in a way that protects the kids from its most damaging elements. This means that, when done right, you can get out of an unhappy marriage and protect your kids’ best interests. 

Parents Have a Lower Impact on Children’s Future Personalities than Previously Thought

While there is no question that parental behavior can shape a child’s attitude and general happiness level at any given moment, research also shows that children’s fundamental personalities seem to be dictated more by genetics than by environment. Adopted children are more like their biological parents than their adoptive parents, and identical twins raised separately are more alike than not.