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father's divorce lawyerIn recent years, the term “visitation” has largely been replaced with the term “parenting time.” This is due, in no small part, because the concept of visitation is almost always misleading and vaguely insulting to hard-working parents who are invested in their children’s well-being. Simply because a parent does not get to reside with their child as often as their co-parent might does not mean that their relationship with their child has been reduced to visitor status. Countless adults who cannot be with their children every day are stellar parents, both when they are face-to-face with their children and when they are not.

Yet, there is one beneficial area of the American co-parenting experience that has been labeled as a form of “visitation” in a way that is not degrading. Likely because the alliteration of the term makes it easy to remember, the concept of “virtual visitation” is proving to be beneficial for millions of families across the country.

What Is Virtual Visitation?

Virtual visitation is an umbrella term that broadly refers to any method of communication that a child can use to remain connected when they are not residing with one of their parents. Many parenting plans contain terms that set expectations for both parents to follow when their child is and is not residing with them. Common resources that are used to facilitate virtual visitation arrangements include:

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dad's divorce lawyerOne of the most significant challenges following divorce is adjusting to life in two single-parent homes. For children, this can be a particularly hard transition, especially if movement between parents is chaotic and unpredictable. For fathers, it can be a time filled with conflict, uncertainty, and the fear that spending less time with your children may result in a more distant relationship. 

For fathers who live in a different state than their children, this fear can be particularly acute. You may not be able to afford to transport the children between their other parent’s home and your own as frequently as you would like. You may find it difficult to talk to them on the phone, especially if their other parent tries to prevent electronic communication. Fortunately, even if your children move to another state, you can still ask a court to instate a visitation order that allows you to maintain a warm, close relationship with your children. 

Long-Distance Parenting and Visitation

Long-distance parenting schedules usually, by necessity, have the children spend the majority of the year with one parent. School schedules prohibit frequently traveling back and forth, especially if the distance is great. One thing a judge may consider when deciding how to allocate visitation is whether you or your ex is the one who wanted to move out of state. 

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divorce lawyer for fathersDivorce is a time of major emotional upheaval for parents and kids alike. Parents are frequently so busy trying to negotiate a divorce settlement - much of which is done with the kids’ best interests at heart - that they forget to pay nearly as much attention to the kids themselves. The result can be grumpy, misbehaving, upset kids, and a befuddled parent who does not understand why the kids cannot see they are doing their best. 

Fathers in particular stand the risk of becoming alienated from their kids during and after divorce, both because of actions ex-wives sometimes take, and because of uncertainty about how to best stay connected with their children. If you are a father of children getting divorced, you can act to maintain a strong relationship with your children, no matter what your ex is doing.  

Fight For Your Relationship with Your Kids

Kids react to divorce in strange and surprising ways. One common reaction is to push away one or both parents out of anger, hurt, or a sense of betrayal. Your job as a father is to use your greater maturity and perspective to resist being wounded by your kids’ actions. Even in extreme situations when your child says they do not want to speak to you, keep reaching out. Even if your ex tries to move to another state, move to be close to them. Work to maintain a relationship, even when it seems your child is not interested in one. Ask your kids to send pictures, send pictures of yourself, text, call, send emails - keep in touch however you can. 

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fathers rights lawyerFor most couples, divorce is a time of heightened emotions. Anger, betrayal, and resentment can all combine to create a ruthless opposition to each other during divorce negotiations. Sadly, children can get caught up in their parents’ fights and are used as pawns by each parent to play out the adults’ interpersonal conflict. 

When parental conflict reaches dangerous or violent heights, or when a parent may no longer be able to care for their children safely, supervised visitation can be ordered by the judge overseeing the custody or divorce case. Supervised visitation is when a parent can only spend time with their child when another adult, like a social worker, is present. While supervised visitation can seem unfair, it is essential to cooperate with the system so you can get through this stage and return back to normal with your kids. 

Why is Supervised Visitation Ordered? 

Judges are responsible for ordering supervised visitation and they may do it for a number of reasons. The most common reasons include: 

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father sole child custody lawyerIn times past, fathers rarely received full custody of their children. Using the “tender years” doctrine, courts all across America would almost always give mothers primary custody, and fathers would often be left with visitation on weekends and some holidays. Even when the mother was clearly not capable of providing the children with a safe home, fathers often had to fight to get custody of their kids, and they rarely succeeded. 

In recent years, this has begun to change. American courts and cultural institutions now recognize the crucial influence that fathers play in their children’s lives. Unfortunately, getting to this point took many years of families being torn apart and children suffering without the guidance and love of their fathers. Fortunately, things do not have to be this way for modern fathers who are looking to protect their parental rights. 

Joint Custody Is the Ideal

Although courts recognize the importance of fatherhood, they strive to maintain a balance between divorced or unmarried parents so children will have the best opportunity to have a close relationship with both parents. Many states now begin the custody process with the assumption that joint custody is in the best interest of the children. This assumption must be overcome by providing convincing evidence that it would not be best for parents to share custody of their children. 

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