Issues affecting individuals who identify as transgender and non-binary have received extensive coverage lately in mainstream news and other media outlets. As researchers race to find out as much as possible about gender transitioning, children, with the support of their parents, are claiming to identify as transgender at younger and younger ages. Unfortunately, the tendency of this issue to become enmeshed in politics often obscures accurate information, preventing a thorough understanding of this complicated issue. 

For divorced parents of a child who claims to be transgender, this can present some tricky dilemmas. If your ex claims to support your child’s new identity, he or she may believe that there are necessary medical procedures or treatments. You may not agree with these treatments, and even believe them to be damaging or not well understood enough to be practiced on your child. Perhaps the situation is the exact opposite - maybe you believe your child is transgender and your ex does not agree. Whichever side of the debate you find yourself on, when it comes to your child’s health and wellbeing, you do not want to take chances. 

Can One Parent Allow a Child to Transition Their Gender? 

Parents who share custody often share decision-making responsibilities. This includes decisions about a child’s medical procedures, including common transgender treatments like hormones therapies and surgeries. If you share healthcare decision-making responsibilities about medical treatment with your ex, he or she cannot decide to allow or prevent your child to transition genders without your agreement. 

Going through a divorce can turn your world upside down. If you’re a father who has will be sharing custody of your children after a divorce, both you and your kids need time and space to heal. Even if you feel unsteady, you want to help your kids feel settled again. Here are a few tips on self-care that can help you and your children relax during this stressful period in life.

Become a Role Model

When you’re raising your children as a single father, becoming an exemplary role model is one of the best things you can do for their well-being. For instance, by taking steps to reduce stress in your own life, you’ll be able to lower the overall stress levels for your whole household. If you’re currently working from home, coming up with a consistent schedule for yourself and your kids is the best way to keep everyone on track and create a solid foundation for your children.

Give Them Free Time

You might be tempted to schedule lots of activities for your children to distract them from the stress you’re all going through as a result of the divorce. But children need plenty of free time, too. Giving your children downtime when they can play without schedules or structure is great for their mental health. The Homeschool Mom states that kids with fewer time pressures are often more creative and have the opportunity to discover their own strengths.

If you are a dad who is going through a divorce, you will understandably be concerned about your ability to spend time with your kids. While parents will be able to share legal custody of their children in most cases, physical custody (also known as visitation or parenting time) may not be divided equally. If your children will be living with their mother for the majority of the time, you will want to make the most of the time that you do have with your kids. You may also want to make sure that you will be able to have your kids stay with you at any times when their mother may be unavailable. To address these situations, you may want to make sure the right of first refusal is included in your parenting agreement or child custody order.

What Is the Right of First Refusal?

To ensure that your children will be able to have a parent caring for them whenever possible, you may agree to include provisions for the right of first refusal as you negotiate a parenting plan. As the term implies, these provisions will give a parent the right to assume care for children in situations where the other parent is unavailable. That is, if your ex cannot care for your children during days or times that they are scheduled to have parenting time, they must first contact you and offer you the opportunity to take the children during this time. They will only be able to make arrangements for having the children stay with others, such as a family member or babysitter, if you refuse the opportunity to care for the children during the time that the other parent is unavailable.

As you and the other parent determine how to address the right of first refusal in your parenting agreement, you will want to consider the following:

If you are a father who is going through a divorce, one of your primary concerns will be making sure you will be able to continue to spend time with your kids, maintain close relationships with them, and be as involved as possible in their lives. Even if you will not have primary custody of your children, you should be able to have regular parenting time. By understanding how the laws in your state address your rights to share custody of your children, you can make sure your divorce decree will meet your needs and allow you to have the relationship with your children that they deserve.

Protecting Fathers’ Rights to Visitation and Physical Custody

It is important to remember that as a parent, you have the same rights toward your children as your spouse. Neither mothers nor fathers are given preference in child custody cases, and the decisions made in family court are based on what is in the children’s best interests. This means that you should be able to maintain the same level of involvement in raising your children as you have had since they were born.

While the laws that affect child custody cases are different in each state, these laws generally will presume that parents are fit to care for their children unless there is evidence that shows otherwise. A parent’s right to share custody may be affected in cases where there are documented instances of domestic violence, substance abuse, or other issues affecting children’s health and safety. However, in most cases, dads will be considered to have the ability to care for their children and provide for their needs, and they will have the right to spend reasonable amounts of regular, ongoing parenting time with their kids.

Over the last two years, we have witnessed some of the most unusual circumstances that any of us ever thought possible. At this point, it is fairly safe to say that the COVID-19 health crisis has changed how we no go about our everyday lives. Of course, the pandemic has affected people in many different ways. Some got very sick. Some left their jobs to facilitate at-home learning for their children. And, some lost their jobs due to an evolving labor market. For some people, the loss of their job created opportunities to find something new, but for others, replacing that income has not been easy—but for fathers who are subject to child support obligations, a substantial loss of income can create serious challenges in meeting those obligations.

If you are a support-paying dad and you are having trouble making your full child support payments each month, you are likely wondering if there is anything that can be done to help you. The good news is that you may have some options, but they will not find you on their own. You will need to be proactive before you find yourself in serious trouble.

Notify the Court

Presuming you have not done so already, your first step should be to notify the court that issued your child support order of your current situation. Depending on the state and county, you may be able to notify the court through a dedicated domestic relations or child support enforcement office. You should be as forthcoming as possible about the reality of the situation. Let the court know when and why your income changed, what you can reasonably expect to pay, and what you are doing to address the situation.

Having a prenuptial agreement in place can make divorce significantly easier for many spouses. A strong prenuptial agreement can create a faster, simpler path to a finalized divorce for many couples. However, for others considering divorce, their prenuptial agreement is a source of great stress. Some people may even fear that they will be unable to support themselves after getting divorced because the prenuptial agreement is heavily in their spouse’s favor. 

The good news is that not every prenuptial agreement will be enforceable exactly as written. There are limits as to what a prenuptial agreement can or cannot do. If worries about your prenuptial agreement are keeping you from filing for divorce, it may be wise to consult a qualified attorney. A lawyer can evaluate your agreement and offer you a better idea of how it may affect your divorce proceedings. 

What Can a Prenuptial Agreement Control During Divorce?

Prenuptial agreements are very commonly used to decide in advance how your property would be divided in the event of divorce. These contracts can be used to designate certain assets as the separate property of one spouse or to decide how marital property like joint accounts or real estate would be divided. Spousal support can be waived, but this provision might not be enforced if it would leave one party in dire financial straits. 

In a perfect world, divorce proceedings and child custody arrangements would be smooth-sailing. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sometimes, one party will even falsely accuse the other party of child abuse to gain some type of advantage in the divorce. 

If you are wrongfully accused of child abuse by your ex, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. According to some studies, approximately 6% to 35% of child abuse claims are unfounded. 

Should you find yourself falsely accused of child abuse, there are a few things you should know about responding to inaccurate child abuse claims. We will share with you 5 ways to respond to a false accusation of child abuse, followed by advice on what not to do as well. 

When your spouse walked down the aisle at your wedding, you probably assumed that you would live happily ever after. Unfortunately, about 40 – 50 percent of marriages end. Getting divorced is never easy – especially if you have children. However, some divorce cases are more contentious than others. Consider the following tips for dealing with a high-conflict divorce as a father.

Consider Alternative Divorce Resolution Methods

In the divorce process, you and your spouse will need to decide on important issues such as child custody and asset division. In a high conflict divorce, however, reaching an agreement on these issues can seem impossible. In many cases,  alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation and collaborative divorce may be helpful. 

Organize Your Finances Now

A large portion of the decisions made during the divorce process are financial in nature. It is impossible to make informed financial decisions if you do not have a complete and accurate understanding of your financial situation. Now is the time to gather financial documents such as tax returns, credit card statements, pay stubs, and business financial records. Make copies of these documents and bring them with you to your consultation with your attorney. 

Most people understand the dangers of driving while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. For multiple decades, public safety campaigns have informed people about how the use of these substances can affect a person’s ability to drive safely. Drivers know that violating the law by driving while intoxicated can lead to multiple types of consequences, ranging from fines or the loss of a driver’s license to time in prison. However, people can make mistakes, and a lapse in judgment could lead to an arrest on suspicion of drunk driving and criminal charges for driving under the influence (DUI).

While a DUI charge will have criminal consequences, it can affect someone’s personal life as well. If you are a father who has been arrested for DUI, you will want to understand how this will affect your custody of your children and your ability to spend visitation time with them. Fortunately, with the help of a DUI defense attorney, you can determine how to handle your criminal case, and you can also learn about the steps you can take to minimize the impact on your relationship with your children.

Child Custody Issues Related to DUI

Family courts are concerned with protecting children’s best interests and making sure they will be safe when in the care of their parents. Unfortunately, a DUI charge may be seen as an indication that your children could be at risk of harm when they are with you. If your children’s other parent is concerned about your children’s health and safety, they may ask for modifications to your child custody agreement that will reduce or place restrictions on the time you spend with your children.

Multiple studies have confirmed the profound benefits associated with fathers being involved in their children’s lives. Children who spend time with their fathers are more likely to perform well in school, attend college, and find stable employment. They are less likely to experience teen pregnancy or incarceration. There are also countless benefits gained by fathers who enjoy a close relationship with their children. If you are a father and your child’s other parent is not letting you see your kids, it is important to understand your rights and legal options. You may need to take steps to establish or enforce a child custody order to assert your rights.

Child Custody Orders Through the Court

When an unmarried couple has children or parents get divorced, many fathers assume that they can skip establishing a formal child custody agreement. They assume that the child’s mother will abide by whatever custody agreement the parents determine at the time of the breakup. Unfortunately, relying on casual child custody or visitation arrangements can backfire dramatically. Courts cannot enforce a child custody agreement unless it was established through the court. Consequently, fathers should always make sure that they have a court-ordered child custody or parenting time agreement in place.

Establishing Paternity of Your Child

Before you can get a child custody order, you must first establish legal parentage or paternity of your child. When a baby is born to married parents or parents who were married at the time of the child’s conception, paternity is typically assumed by law. However, an unmarried father may need to take additional action to establish himself as the child’s legal parent. The steps needed to establish paternity vary from state to state, but generally, establishing paternity is much easier if the parents agree on the father’s biological relationship with the child. If your child’s mother denies that you are the child’s father, you may need to undergo DNA paternity testing to prove your parentage.

The term “self-care” refers to taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. The importance of self-care during a divorce – especially a high-conflict divorce- can hardly be overstated. Although articles suggesting good self-care practices are often geared toward women, men are just as in need of self-care as anyone else. If you are a dad going through a contentious divorce, you know just how stressful and frustrating it can be. Consider the following tips for prioritizing your mental wellbeing during this challenging period of your life.   

Give Yourself Some Slack

If you are like most fathers, your “to-do” list never ends. You probably juggle homework, sports or extracurricular events, vehicle maintenance, household chores, and much more on a daily basis. During a stressful divorce, it is important to give yourself some slack. Perhaps you want to renovate the bathroom or fix a noisy garage door but you simply cannot find the time. A high-conflict divorce takes a ton of time and emotional energy. You may need to put off some projects until after the split – and that is perfectly okay.  

Do Not Be Afraid to Ask for Help

The American Psychological Association reports that men are much less likely to seek professional mental health treatment than women. As a dad, prioritizing your mental wellbeing benefits both you and your children. Consider reaching out to a therapist or divorce coach to get the support you need. One major benefit of therapy is that your discussions are confidential. That means that you can vent your frustrations without worrying about how it will affect your divorce case.

Whether an addiction involves illicit substances, prescription medication, gambling, or even compulsive shopping, the addiction impacts the entire family. If you are a father and your wife is currently struggling with substance abuse or other addictive behaviors, you know firsthand just how impossible the situation can feel. On the one hand, you want to ensure that your children grow up in a safe, healthy home. On the other hand, you feel like divorcing your wife will leave her feeling abandoned or even lead to further destructive behavior.  

Only you can know for sure if divorce is right for you and your children. If you are ready to get divorced, keep the following factors in mind.

The Children’s Safety Has to Come First

For many families struggling with addiction, the addiction is often the “elephant in the room.” Everyone pretends as if the addicted person’s behavior is normal. Unfortunately, ignoring the problem will not make it go away. When children are involved, downplaying the negative consequences of the addiction may even be deadly. If your child’s mother has an alcohol or drug addiction and you have reason to believe that she is not capable of keeping your children safe, do not leave your children with alone with her. As much as it may break your heart, your children’s safety has to be the priority. This may mean that you will need to petition the court for sole custody of the children both during and after the divorce.  

If you are a father who is going through a divorce, or if you are unmarried and separated from your children’s other parent, issues related to the custody of your children are likely to be at the top of your mind. In our modern culture, dads are more and more likely to be closely involved in raising their kids, and in some cases, fathers may even act as stay-at-home parents or be the one who is most involved in caring for their children and meeting their needs. If this is true in your situation, or if you believe that restrictions should apply to child custody to protect your children, you may be wondering whether it will be possible for you to be granted sole custody of your kids.

When Is Sole Custody Appropriate?

While the specific laws that apply to child custody vary from state to state, most of the time, courts prefer for both parents to be closely involved in raising their children. Because of this, parents will usually share joint custody. In cases involving joint legal custody, parents will share the responsibility of making decisions about how the children will be raised. In cases involving joint physical custody, children will spend parenting time with each parent.

If the court does choose to award sole custody to one parent, it will usually be for one of the following reasons:

As divorced parents, you and your ex may not see eye to eye on a variety of issues, including those related to your children’s health and the medical care they receive. Vaccinations are one issue that can sometimes cause disputes. While the ongoing rollout of COVID-19 vaccines is currently the most prominent example, parents may also need to address the standard immunizations that children receive. If you and your ex disagree about whether your children should be vaccinated, you will want to understand your rights and the steps that you may need to take to resolve this issue.

Parental Responsibility for Health Care Decisions

Most of the time, divorced parents will share legal custody of their children. This means they will both have the right and responsibility to make decisions related to issues such as the education and medical care the children will receive. However, in some cases, one parent may have sole or primary responsibility when it comes to decisions about the children’s medical needs. In these situations, that parent will usually have the final say about whether children will be vaccinated, although the other parent may take legal action to address this issue if they believe their children’s health and well-being are at risk.

If you and your ex have equal responsibility in medical decisions for your children and you disagree about vaccinations, you may be able to work these issues out between yourselves and reach a decision about what would be best for your children. However, if you cannot reach an agreement, you may need to go to court and ask a judge to make a decision on the issue. In these cases, a judge may consider a variety of factors, such as testimony from medical experts about whether children should or should not be vaccinated, the parents’ religious beliefs, and each parent’s level of involvement in addressing their children’s medical issues.

If you’re a dad who is going through a divorce, you’re likely to be worried about spending less time with your kids. Unfortunately, this is an issue that is going to be unavoidable, since the time that your children spend with one parent is time that they won’t be with the other parent. You’ll need to adjust to not being with your kids every day, but you’ll also want to make sure you can spend time with them at every available opportunity. One way you can do so is by making sure your parenting agreement includes a “right of first refusal” clause.

What Is the Right of First Refusal?

Your parenting agreement will include detailed information about when your children will spend parenting time with you and your ex-spouse. A daily schedule will specify the days and times when your kids will be with each parent, and your agreement will also cover holidays, school vacations, and any other days where you will deviate from the normal schedule. However, there may be some days when either you or your ex will not be able to have parenting time with your kids as scheduled. These situations may be addressed by including a “right of first refusal” in your agreement.

The right of first refusal is a clause stating that when one parent will be unable to provide care for your children during their scheduled parenting time, they will be required to contact the other parent and see if they are available to watch the children before making other arrangements, such as hiring a babysitter or having kids stay with relatives. Essentially, the other parent will be given the first opportunity to have their children stay with them, and other arrangements can only be made if the parent refuses to take the children during that time.

If you are a devoted father, there are few things worse than being accused of committing violence or abuse against your spouse or children. In some cases, these types of claims can arise out of misunderstandings or arguments that get out of control, but sadly, there are many situations when a spouse or a current or former partner accuses a father of domestic violence in an attempt to gain an advantage in a child custody dispute. If you are facing accusations of domestic violence or abuse, you will want to do the following:

Follow the Court’s Orders

If your children’s other parent has obtained an emergency restraining order or order of protection against you, it is important to follow all of the requirements and restrictions in the order. Even if the order was based on false accusations, you will be required to follow all of its terms while it is in effect. Even though it may be difficult, you may need to move out of your home temporarily, and you may be unable to see or communicate with your children until these matters are resolved. If you violate a protective order, you could face criminal charges, as well as additional restrictions that affect your parental rights.

Gather Evidence to Support Your Side of the Story

As you prepare to defend yourself against accusations that you have committed domestic violence or abuse, you’ll want to gather as much evidence as possible to explain what actually happened and show that you are not a danger to your children. You may be able to provide an alibi to show that you were not present at the date and time the abuse allegedly occurred, or copies of communication with your children’s other parent may show that they have behaved unreasonably in the past. If necessary, you can provide records related to treatment for mental health or substance abuse issues, and you can obtain statements from friends or family members regarding your character and fitness as a parent. If child protective services are looking into claims of abuse, you will want to cooperate with them, provide any information they request, and follow their recommendations.

In many divorce cases where a couple has children, it is assumed that the father will pay child support to the mother. However, this isn’t always the case. In many modern families, dads and moms play equal roles in caring for their kids, and they should continue to do so after they become separated or get divorced. Depending on the circumstances, some dads may even be named the custodial parent of their children and have the majority of the parenting time with their kids after getting divorced or breaking up with an unmarried partner. In these types of situations, dads will need to be sure to understand their rights regarding child support.

Child Support for Dads Who Have Primary Physical Custody or Shared Custody

The purpose of child support is to ensure that both parents contribute toward their children’s needs. Typically, the parent who the children live with the majority of the time will receive child support from the other parent. This means that if your children stay with you most of the time, you may have the right to receive child support from your ex-spouse. Even if you were not married to your children’s mother, both of you will be required to provide financial support for your children, and as the custodial parent, you can ask a family court judge to enforce these obligations.

Depending on the state where you live, different methods may be used to calculate the amount of child support you can receive from your child’s mother. Some states determine child support using a percentage of the non-custodial parent’s income. However, many states are shifting to an income-sharing model that takes the amount earned by both parents into account. In these cases, an amount of child support will usually be determined based on what both parents would have spent to care for their children if they were still together. This amount will usually be divided between the parents based on the amount of income each parent earns. If you are the custodial parent, your ex will be required to pay her portion of the total child support amount to you.

When it comes to divorce, many dads worry that they face an uphill battle. Culturally, mothers are often considered to be the parents who are most concerned with childcare and household responsibilities. This means that even when a dad plays an equal role in raising his children, he may need to fight against the assumption the mother should have primary custody. To make matters worse, a father may worry that he will be considered a deadbeat due to his absence from his children’s lives.

Whether you are currently going through the divorce process or have completed your divorce, you’ll want to make sure that you can continue to be the father your children deserve. The last thing you want is for your children to feel that you are not there when they need you. To avoid the possibility of being considered a deadbeat dad, you’ll want to do the following:

• Pay child support on time - The most common reason that dads are labeled deadbeats is that they don’t pay child support as required. Even if you think that it’s unfair that a large percentage of your income will be going to your ex, remember that the money is being used to provide for your kids’ needs. If you don’t pay child support on time or in full, you will still be required to pay the full amount owed, along with interest on late payments. Failure to pay child support could also cause you to be held in contempt of court, which could lead to a variety of consequences, including time in prison. If you have lost your job or experienced other financial issues that affect your ability to pay, you’ll want to bring this matter to the court’s attention immediately to ensure that you won’t be penalized.

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Getting divorced is almost never easy, but it can become much more difficult and complicated if your spouse is a narcissist. This mental health disorder can take a variety of forms, but a narcissist will typically act with self-importance and put their own needs and desires ahead of others. They often take advantage of others, refuse to recognize other people’s needs, and demand that other people follow their wishes. Unfortunately, narcissists can also be very charming and persuasive. If your ex has narcissistic tendencies, you may be in for a difficult battle during your divorce. Fortunately, you can protect yourself by understanding the strategies that can expose your ex’s unrealistic expectations and unreasonable demands and make sure you will not be taken advantage of.

Standing up to a Narcissistic Spouse

During your divorce, you’ll need to make adjustments to the behaviors and methods of communication you may have been used to during your relationship with your spouse. What worked (or most likely didn’t work) during your marriage will no longer apply, and to avoid being manipulated, you’ll need to figure out how to put a stop to the strategies your ex normally uses to get their way. As you work to complete the divorce process, you’ll want to do the following:

1. Stand up for yourself - Your ex may have become used to doing whatever they want and having you agree to their demands. Since you’re no longer in a married relationship, you no longer have to back down in order to keep the peace. Standing up for your rights and interests will let your ex know that you’re no longer going to let them control you and that your needs are just as important as theirs.

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If you are a dad who is going through the divorce process, transitioning to single parenthood can be a challenging process. As you deal with the many legal and financial issues that must be addressed to legally end your marriage, cope with moving to a new home and making changes in your life, and figure out how to maintain a good relationship with your children while sharing child custody with your ex, you’ll probably experience a great deal of stress, and your health may suffer. This is understandable, but it’s a concern that you’re going to want to address, since studies have found that the mortality rate for single fathers is three times higher than for dads who are married or in a partnership.

Focus on Your Physical and Mental Health

By taking care of your health and wellness, you can not only live a longer and happier life, but you can make sure you will be able to be the best dad you can be for your kids. You can make a number of positive changes to your lifestyle as you adjust to your new life as a single dad, including:

• Exercise regularly - Being physically active is good for your heart, lungs, and other parts of your body, and it can also boost your overall energy while providing benefits for your mental health. Even if you are unable to visit the gym on a regular basis, you can find ways to exercise at home by walking or jogging outside, playing sports, or using online apps to create a home workout routine. You can also get exercise while spending time with your kids, such as by using a stroller when walking or jogging, taking bike rides together, or enjoying physical games and activities.

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